Someone who understands
by Cormak3032
Summary: Hermione Granger goes to another party at the Potters', even though she loathes attending. Someone has been attracting her attention, but it's been a complete surprise how much he understands her. HG/SS
1. Chapter 1

Someone who Understands

Chapter 1

Every year it was the same song and dance. Attend all the holiday and birthday parties at Harry and Ginny Potter's beautiful home in the country, while having to deal with the fact that she had nothing in common with the Potter's anymore. The worst of all was being forced to spend time in the presence of her past best friend and boyfriend, Ronald Weasley. If it was bad enough to spend time watching Ron pretend he didn't feel a bloody thing for her, it was worse to watch him hang all over his wife in bad attempt to prove it.

Hermione Granger was not sure why she bothered to go anymore. Perhaps it was because she really had no family of her own, and she was oddly comforted knowing she was not the only one alone here.

It had been a complete shock to everyone that Severus Snape had managed to survive. When someone had gone to collect his body from the Shrieking Shack after the battle with Voldemort, they found he had made it halfway down the old rickety stairs toward the tunnel. He had been covered in filth, was unconscious, and had nearly bled to death. But he was shockingly alive.

With Harry's convincing testimony on his behalf, Severus Snape was granted a pardon. It came with limits of course. He would no longer be allowed to teach as a Professor again and at least twice a year he would attend a party at the Potter's home as a favor to Harry. Snape did not appear unhappy about never teaching at Hogwarts again, but attending parties at the Potter's home was a different story.

Hermione knew that it was torture for him. She knew he once had loved Harry's mom, and he probably still did. Twice a year Snape was subjected to looking into Lily Potter's son's eyes as he smiled laughed and bounced his children on his knees. He was subjected to the happy portraits of Harry's mom with her husband or with baby Harry all over the house. Didn't Harry realize that it was like pouring salt into the poor man's wounds?

Hermione and Snape barely said a word to each other at these parties. Usually a nod and sometimes to wish each other Happy Christmas. Hermione barely spoke at all, a big change from her bubbly talkative teenage self.

She arrived tonight thinking perhaps this party would be more enjoyable than the last, knowing that it probably wouldn't, but being hopeful all the same.

Hermione had noticed something different in Snape this past summer when they all celebrated Harry's 27th birthday party. The first difference was that he wore a charcoal gray sweater with a turtleneck. She had never seen him wear anything but black. He always wore high neck garments to conceal the scars on his neck. His hair had looked not nearly as greasy as usual.

Hermione had caught the older man staring at her. At first Hermione thought she might be imagining it, because he looked away as soon as she looked in his direction. Perhaps he just happened to be resting his eyes on her for a moment while he looked around. But she found him staring at her yet again less than ten minutes later, as well as several times throughout in the day.

It was unsettling to her, and she went home that night and thought of Snape as she lay in bed. Why had he been so interested in her? Or was she really just imagining it all? For the next few months she thought about him. She wondered how he coped being alone all these years when it was obvious he had a heart, and how he dealt with the awful comments and questions people sometimes sent his way. While cleared of his charges, it was obvious that many people loathed him. He had taught generations of children all in the same harsh, bullying way. He had been a Death Eater once, and many people believed some spots never came clean.

Snape had been staring tonight at her as well, and she wondered just why he kept looking at her. Perhaps he found her as pathetic as she found herself to be. She had just turned 28 in September, and she was still not married. In fact, she did not even have a boyfriend, and had not had one in nearly 3 years. Her job wasn't exactly the best. He probably thought her to be a loser.

She could have had a bright future, but an abusive relationship and the death of her parents in a stupid automobile accident had changed all that. The depression and anger took over her and it had taken her a long time to move past it.

Harry's youngest son Albus was whining about Christmas presents, and when could they start opening them. Harry calmly told him to be patient or Santa was not going to bring him gifts after midnight. She saw Ron put an arm around his wife, Melody, and kiss her cheek before glancing in Hermione's direction. Snape was watching her from his place in the corner, and unlike this summer, tonight he had not been looking away when she glanced at him.

Hermione suddenly needed to leave the room. If she had to watch Ron hang on his wife while looking in her direction one more time she was going to be ill. And worse, she felt herself flush under Snape's ministrations. The room felt too warm and too tense.

She quietly got up and made her way toward the kitchen. She paced while there, feeling like a caged animal. She opened the back door and went out onto the porch for some fresh air.

It was bitterly cold out as she sat down on one of the steps that overlooked the yard. She felt the cold straight through the slacks she was wearing. The snow was falling steadier now, the ground specked with white. It was truly a white Christmas.

While the fresh air did her some good, it also burned her lungs. She wrapped her arms around herself, her teeth chattering while she shivered. What kind of witch went out without a coat, or even her wand to produce a warming spell?

A red coat fell around her shoulders and she gasped at the unexpected feeling of the heavy wool being dropped onto her.

She was on her feet in an instant, and her eyes widened as she stared into the pale face and dark eyes of Severus Snape.

"Be grateful I was not feeling festive either, or you might have ended up with a nasty case of frost bite."

Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She had none, yet her mind was full of activity. Over the last ten years she had barely heard a word from Snape and yet he had said a full sentence to her. More alarming was the sense that he seemed to have sought out her company.

"I…I wasn't thinking. I just needed some air. Thank you, sir."

He seemed to wince at something she said, but then looked away to watch the snow swirl around in the wind before reaching the ground.

He was dressed in a heavy long black wool coat, the same charcoal sweater from this summer and the white turtleneck. His hair drifted around his face in the wind that blew the snowflakes at them while they stood side by side on the porch. His usually sallow face had some color to it now, and the deep worry lines that once seemed etched into his face did not seem so harsh. Realizing that she was staring, she looked away.

"Anyone would need air watching Weasley slobber all over his wife."

Hermione pulled her coat around her and shivered, but not from the cold. She was quite comfortable with the warming charm Snape must have put on her coat. She gazed down at her feet and sighed heavily.

"You need to stop feeling guilty for being honest with him all those years ago."

She looked up at him, but he was still staring off at the snow, which was coming down heavier.

"And he needs to stop hanging all over his wife in an attempt to get back at you for not feeling what he felt."

"I thought I was the only one who noticed that," she admitted softly.

He looked at her now, and yet his eyes did not meet hers. "Hardly."

Hermione could feel her heartbeat quicken as she watched him look her over. Was that approval in his eyes? And approval for just what?

"The snow is falling much heavier now. The Muggle weatherman predicts 4 inches for the country," he said matter of fact.

She blinked several times, and then could not contain the laugh that escaped her throat.

One dark eyebrow arched higher than the other did. "You find that amusing?"

She shook her head and gazed out at the snow as nervousness washed over her. "I just find it hard to believe that you would come out here to discuss the weather with me."

"Forgive me for intruding." His voice was cold, but Hermione caught an underlying tone. He sounded discouraged and even hurt.

He stepped away to head back into the house, and without thinking she grabbed his arm.

"No, that's not what I meant."

He stopped and stared down at her and she removed her hand from him. "I didn't mean for you to go…it's just..." She shook her head, her wavy hair cascading down her shoulders. "We never talk. Yet here we are standing out in the snow, discussing the weather. Doesn't that feel strange to you?"

Snape cleared his throat and Hermione realized he seemed frazzled. He shifted his weight several times. He had yet to look directly into her eyes since he had come outside. In fact, he had not looked into her eyes once tonight, when in past years he had no problem making her feel like she was twelve all over again.

"Are you all right, sir?"

He closed his eyes and gave a pained expression. "Please don't…"

She frowned, not understanding what she should not do.

"It was a mistake for me to follow you out here."

She shook her head, reaching for his arm before he got the idea to head back into the house. "I don't think it was a mistake. I…I'm enjoying your company. You're the only one here I feel I can relate to."

A sad grin appeared on his face. "We are both surrounded by people, and yet we feel utterly alone."

She swallowed hard at how he had hit her feelings so perfectly. "Yes, that's right."

Even though she was shaking inside Hermione stepped closer to him and moved into his direct line of vision. "Did…did you intentionally seek me out or did you just need fresh air, too?"

He shifted his weight again, his head bowing as he looked down at the wooden floor of the porch, before gazing at her.

"It was intentional," he said in a low voice.

The tone of his voice as well as his confirmation that he had been seeking her, caused Hermione's heart to pound so hard that it made her dizzy.

"Why…" She tried again, wetting her dry lips. "Why have you been staring at me lately?"

He grinned. "Ah, so you have finally noticed."

"Finally? You only started this past summer."

"You only started noticing this past summer."

She frowned and then took her lower lip between her teeth. "How long then?"

He paused, looking her over again. "Three years."

Her lips parted as if she intended to speak, but it took several moments for the sound to fall forth.

"I…never knew."

" Of course not," he said smugly. "I would not have been a very good spy if you have been able to figure me out. I let you know when I wanted you to be aware."

She looked down at her feet and then back up at him again. "Why so much interest in me?" she managed so softly she wondered if she had spoken aloud.

She realized he had heard her, when his dark eyes locked with hers.

"Do you truly desire to know?" His voice was so low she had to struggle to hear it over the wind.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. How had the air around them become so charged with energy?

It happened so quickly that she had no time to react.

He was all around her, shielding her from the cold and snow. His warm thin lips pressed softly against her own, his body like a protective cloak.

She felt him stiffen and start to pull back at her lack of reaction. Suddenly desperate not to lose the contact, she leaned forward and up to press her lips against his, while one hand moved up his shoulder to his neck to bury within his hair. It was softer than it looked.

He was trembling, and she realized he felt too warm to be cold.

Her heart was pounding so hard and fast she thought it might burst from her chest. Their kiss was clumsy, similar to two teenagers sharing their first kiss. His nose bumped her check just as her fingers caught in his hair.

The softest sound of pleasure came from him when she opened her mouth to yield to his. Hermione suddenly put it all together. The reason for his staring, the reason he came out here to small talk with her. His reason for looking her over.

Severus Snape was smitten with her.

He pulled back slowly so they could both take a breath.

He was looking at her now, his eyes devouring the sight of her within his arms, but with a fear she had never seen from him before.

He thinks I'm going to reject him… 

The thought of it made her heart ache. Something felt alarmingly right being in his embrace as crazy as that seemed. Maybe it was because she knew him. Not intimately like a friend, but more like a distant colleague. He was no stranger. She knew some of his past and he knew some of hers.

But it did not make sense to her. He rarely said a word to her and he was in love with Harry's mom. How could he possibly feel anything for her?

"I let her go the night I saw you three summers ago," he said as if reading her mind. "I never intended to notice you…but you looked how I felt once…when my own heart was broken by my own stupidity."

She opened her mouth to speak and he shook his head.

He stroked her hair gently, and her eyes slipped closed at the contact. "That young man hurt you terribly, just a few years after your relationship ended with Weasley, and then your parents…. How could I not notice you?"

Her eyes filled with tears. It had been such a terrible time for her. Jared breaking up with her after admitting he was seeing someone else. Losing her parents and having no one to help her through the loss.

"The Potters had been too busy with the birth of their third child and Mr. Weasley was too busy wallowing in his own self pity that you should be single again when he had just married."

She chuckled nervously. "No wonder you survived going between two madmen. You notice everything and no one is aware of it." She was alarmed at how he seemed to pinpoint everything with such accuracy.

"Not everything…"

He stroked her cheek and felt his heart leap in his chest when she leaned into his hand. He had no idea how she felt and that scared him more than the Dark Lord ever did. He was forty-seven years old; too old in his eyes to open his heart to anyone, and too old for a relationship he had not been searching for. Yet, there she was, always in front of him, but he had never noticed. She was a welcome distraction if not a burden when he realized a year later how he felt.

She combed her fingers through his hair, watching as his eyes slipped closed at the contact.

"If you don't---

She put a finger against his mouth and his eyes opened. "Ssshhh."

"This is a little unexpected…" she felt his body tense. "But I'm not complaining."

That seemed to please him because he pressed a kiss against her cheek.

She turned her face so that her lips were near his. He kissed her again, softly.

The start of their kiss was clumsy, but within seconds it became heated. Their bodies became pressed together and his tongue ended up in her mouth, with her own later exploring his mouth.

Hermione felt like a teenager snogging out on the porch of her parents' home with her boyfriend. What if someone in the house moved to the kitchen to refill a drink or get food? What if someone came looking for them? Did she care what they thought if they saw her kissing Severus Snape?

She realized that she didn't. Not even a little. He felt good against her and he tasted like the wine he had been sampling earlier. When their kisses became hungry it did something to her insides that Ron nor her college boyfriend Jared had ever been able to awaken.

He tilted her head back and placed a line of kisses from her chin to her collarbone. She couldn't help the soft moan that escaped her lips.

"You enjoy that…"

She nodded, blushing as she did so.

"I will retain that information..."

She smiled at the hope in his voice. Who was this man? Certainly he could not be her old Professor from Hogwarts.

He was staring at her openly now and she felt her cheeks burn with a blush. "We go from barely talking, to you staring at me, to talking about the weather, to snogging on Harry Potter's back porch."

"Snogging is for teenagers," he told her, feigning offense.

"Forgive me for offending you, sir," she teased.

He shook his head. "Don't call me that, Hermione. I don't want to be reminded of the past."

"I'm sorry, Severus." The word was foreign to her tongue, yet it fell forth with ease.

He smoothed back her hair, which the wind was blowing into her face. "As regretful as I am to suggest this, we should get inside before someone comes looking for us."

He stepped away and she followed him. "Severus?"

He turned to her.

"When can I see you again?"

His eyes lit up at her question and she felt giddy knowing she had somehow made him happy.

"A week from today, this same place."

"A week? But that's- "

"New Years Eve. The Potters always hold a party, do they not?"

"Yes, they do."

"I will be able to fulfill my obligation for one of two parties for the New Year if I stay until midnight, and I will have the pleasure of seeing you again soon."

She flushed and then laughed. "You are so devious." Then her smile faded. "It must have been so difficult for you all these years being forced to attend Harry's parties. I tried to convince him to do something else."

"I have loathed coming here for years, and yet I feel indebted to him in some sense. If I had not been forced to attend, I never would have noticed you."

She blushed again. "I don't know what you're asking of me, Severus, or how much of myself I can give, but I know that I want to get to know you and see if there is anything possible between us."

"For the moment, that is all I ask for."

She grinned, and bravely kissed the end of his nose. "Then, I shall see you here next week. Same time, same place, Mr. Snape."

"I am counting on it, Miss Granger."

TBC….


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Hermione felt disappointed when she arrived a week later to the Potters' New Year's Eve party and Severus was not there. She had to remind herself that she had shown up early and that she should not worry.

Ginny and Harry were not surprised to see her arrive early at all. Harry joked that she would probably leave early to ring in the New Year with her books. Normally such a remark would have made Hermione laugh on the outside, while she actually felt annoyed and hurt inside. Tonight the comment did not bother her.

She offered to help Ginny slice the cheese into little blocks, and prepare the crackers and other appetizers. It kept her thoughts away from Severus who had been on her mind nearly every waking and sleeping moment since their last encounter.

She had gone through possible scenarios and emotions in her mind. At first worrying that she was not ready for a relationship with anyone. She was not ready to have her heart broken again. She also realized she would end up alone if she did not take a chance.

She wondered if the fact that she was younger, and had once been Severus' student bothered him at all. She did a little math, and realized he had to be at least forty-six or forty-seven, but possibly being as old as fifty. She thought about the age difference and came to the realization that it did not bother her. She was mature for her age and Severus was still in his prime for a wizard.

She wondered if he would be moody and withdrawn or if he would open his heart and mind to her. She realized she would never know unless she gave him and them a chance.

_Them_…Hermione was still shocked to learn that Severus felt something for her. He had hidden his feelings well for three years. All that time he had been studying her, watching her and she had never even known.

"What are you beaming about?"

The voice of Ronald Weasley shattered her thoughts, and the smile she realized she had from ear to ear dissolved quickly into a frown.

"Let me guess? Got some good books for Christmas that you can't stop thinking about?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Happy New Year, Ronald," she managed with no real enthusiasm.

"You _were_ beaming, Hermione," Ginny agreed, looking up from cutting broccoli. "Who are you seeing?"

Hermione blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Ron paled at his sister's question.

"What makes you think I am seeing anyone?" Hermione returned to her chore of arranging the shrimp around the cocktail sauce.

"You're seeing someone, Hermione?"

Hermione looked up to see Ron's wife, Melody. The pretty blond with pale blue eyes had just entered the kitchen.

Ron rolled his eyes at his wife, and went to snatch a piece of broccoli from the plate Ginny had just finished filling. Ginny smacked his hand as if he were one of her children.

"I did not say I was seeing anyone," Hermione stated firmly.

"It wasn't meant as an insult, Hermione. You just looked so happy and lost in your own world. I thought perhaps you had found someone," Ginny responded.

The conversation was ended by the ringing of the doorbell, much to Hermione's relief.

Ginny left the room to go greet the guests at the door and Melody followed, clearly disappointed that Hermione did not seem to be dating anyone.

Ron watched Hermione for a few moments, before following his wife.

Hermione sighed. She would have to control herself and the excitement she felt at knowing she would see Severus tonight. While she had no problem letting the world know Severus was interested in her, and she was interested in him, she also knew Severus to be a private person and she did not want to do anything rash without speaking to him first.

She brought out the tray of cheese and crackers, while carefully balancing the shrimp on the other hand.

She nearly dropped both trays when she saw Severus stiffly shaking Harry's hand in welcome. He had obviously come in with the batch of other guests that had just arrived.

Hermione placed the trays down on the table Ginny had decorated off to the side of the room, careful not to look at Severus. Her hands trembled with excitement and nervousness. Her heart was pounding so loud that it nearly drown out the voices in the room.

She stayed near the table, pretending to smooth out any wrinkles in the white linen tablecloth, so that she could watch Severus. He had sat himself in his usual corner, immediately leaving the well wishes and laughing at the door to his far left.

She realized that he looked handsome tonight. Not the type of handsome most people would be attracted to, but an appearance that she was attracted to. He wore all black tonight and not the gray from last week. It was a coat not too unlike what he wore to the Yule Ball in Hermione's fourth year. Long and form fitting. His hair looked shiny from cleanliness, not from being dirty. Hermione wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through it as they kissed. The thought warmed and aroused her.

The entire Weasley clan arrived next, and their enthusiastic grandchildren greeted them.

Hermione continued nitpicking around the table, her eyes only for Severus.

She realized sitting near him was out of the question and of course so was talking to him. However, one glance at the empty upside down teacups on a small table in the corner, made Hermione smile with glee one moment and made her nauseous the next.

She quietly greeted the Weasleys' who each gave her a hug. They talked about things Hermione did not even fully acknowledge, and then she offered them each some tea. All declined while Arthur took her up on her offer.

Hermione walked past Severus and then took two steps back.

"Would you care for some, tea, Mr. Snape?"

"No." Was all he said, never acknowledging her or looking in her direction.

Hermione felt confused and then upset as she walked away. Could he not even acknowledge her? She didn't expect him to grab her and kiss her senselessly, but a smile; anything would have been better than his cold answer.

She filled the tea for Arthur, handed it to him, and then sat down on the opposite side of the room, feeling miserable and confused.

Hermione thought Severus would stare at her as he had last week, but he sat with the cup of tea he accepted from Ginny and not her, and looked everywhere else.

Still feeling upset a half an hour later, Hermione headed for the kitchen. Ron and Melody were there filling their plates, so Hermione stepped in line behind them. Bill and Fleur sat behind the kitchen table where Fleur rocked their newborn son in her arms.

"Muffliato" 

Hermione nearly jumped at the quiet baritone voice beside her.

"Do not look at me. Pay attention to gathering food on your plate. They cannot hear us, but they can still see us and I have no desire for Ronald Weasley to make a scene." Severus told her, lightly filling his own plate.

"Discreetly head to the library around seven thirty. I will join you soon after," he commanded.

"All right," she whispered even though no one but Severus could hear her.

He murmured another word, which ended the Muffliato charm, and then Severus was gone.

Hermione took a deep breath, feeling both stupid and relieved. Stupid because Severus was trying to be discreet, and relieved that he had not changed his mind about her.

She smiled to herself, not even paying attention to the fact that she had managed to put two things she did not even care for on her plate. She took a napkin and utensils and moments later stepped back into the living room with the other guests.

Ron watched her go.

Around seven twenty-five, Hermione excused herself from a conversation with George and his wife Angelina to go to the bathroom. Instead of returning to the party, she walked to the end of the hall and entered the Potters' large library. The fire was roaring in the fireplace, and some guests who had not bothered to clean up after themselves had left a few cups and plates on one of the tables. While the Christmas party had been mostly friends and family, there were people at this party that Hermione did not know. Apparently not everyone was a good houseguest. With a swish of her wand, Hermione banished the garbage.

She waited for what felt like a half an hour, but was actually only eight minutes. The door handle turned, and the door creaked open. Hermione stood, expecting it to be Severus only to see Ron. She cursed inwardly.

"Here you are. George said you disappeared on him."

"I needed some space."

He nodded, the air in the room feeling incredibly tense. "Harry invited a load of people. I don't even know half of them."

"Me either." She just wanted him to leave so Severus could enter.

"I recognize a few of the names from hearing them around the Ministry. Half of them are just here to gawk at the war heroes. After ten years you'd think they wouldn't care about that anymore."

"That's why I came down here… to be alone. I needed some quiet."

Ron sighed, clearly getting the message loud and clear. "Sorry. I'm sure Melody is wondering where I disappeared to anyway."

"She probably is." Hermione agreed.

He stepped toward the door and turned. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. He walked from the room, closing the door behind him.

A few minutes later the door reopened and Hermione grinned when she saw it was Severus. She nearly leapt from the chair, but forced herself to stand calmly.

The cold, indifferent look on his face disappeared when he saw her smile.

He stepped closer to her, looking her over. "You look…lovely."

She flushed bright red at the compliment. "You don't look too bad yourself."

He gave her a look of disbelief, and she boldly stepped forward, placing a chaste kiss on his mouth to prove her sincerity.

He reached for her, the back of his fingers smoothing her cheek and pushing her hair behind her ear.

"I regret ignoring you earlier. I know it upset you."

"It's all right."

He shook his head. "No, it is not."

"Really, Severus, it is. This is all new. There are a ton of people here looking for juicy gossip. We shouldn't give them fuel to feed their fires."

He nodded, still regretting his actions. "Weasley nearly saw me. I had seen him leave the room and head down the hall, but I thought he had gone to use the bathroom. When I saw him come out of the library I moved into the bathroom so he would not see me. Why did he come in here? To throw himself at you?" He ran his hand down her arm, his fingers reaching for hers.

She entwined her fingers with his, the feel of him both calming her and causing her to tremble inside.

'I'm not sure why he came in here. I think he wanted to say something to me, but I brushed him off, making it clear that I wanted to be alone."

"Alone so that I could come to you."

"Of course," she grinned feeling like a giddy teenager.

"He had best mind himself around you or he will have me to deal with."

Hermione felt warmth spread through her body at the possessive tone in his voice. "Are you the jealous type?" she teased.

"Why should I be jealous?" he breathed into her ear, delighting that she shivered in response. "I am the one seeing you, not him." He pressed his lips to her lower ear lobe, and then bowed his head down to press a delicate kiss to the curve of her jaw.

"Severus…"

The way she said his name sent warmth and pleasure through him, the core of it pooling in his groin causing something to stir.

He stepped back needing the air, before things progressed to anything either of them would later regret.

"I placed a silencing charm and a do not notice spell on the room." He led her toward the couch that faced the fire.

Hermione's knees felt weak and it was a miracle that she was able to make it to the couch without stumbling or falling.

He allowed her to sit first and then followed her lead. The fireplace crackled in front of them, but neither of them noticed it. They were both far too busy staring at each other.

Hermione was memorizing his face and he was toying with her hair, rubbing it between his fingers.

After an extended silence Hermione asked. "So, what happens next?"

Severus swallowed hard and looked down at their hands, which were now joined together between them.

"I…do not know. I have… never done this before."

His honesty shocked her more than learning he had never been with a woman before. Hermione was aware of his nearly lifelong love for Harry's mom. He did not seem the type to entertain one night stands. His clumsy kisses had alerted her to his inexperience, but she was also far from being knowledgeable on the subject.

She squeezed his hands and looked down to watch her thumb brush against his skin. "I'm a bit out of practice at this…"

She heard him inhale sharply and release the breath slowly. "Hermione, I expect nothing…. intimate from you. This is very…new."

"Why don't we do what we feel is best and comfortable?"

He nodded, gazing into her eyes.

"What do you desire to know?"

"Hmm?" she asked, finding her way after losing herself in his dark eyes.

"Surely you have questions? You've always had questions."

She laughed softly. "Should I wave my hand in the air?"

It was his turn to chuckle. "No hand waving is necessary. I like your hand where it is."

She blushed, amazed at how his comments and compliments affected her.

"No questions? You _have_ changed."

"Harry mentioned you were researching again. Are you working on anything interesting?"

"Nothing earth shattering I assure you. Perfecting some everyday Potions and writing in a journal."

"Something you plan to publish?"

"I can not possibly publish anything, Hermione. People would think I would poison them. No one would ever accept my work."

"It would be unfair of them, but if you are worried, why don't you use a pen name?"

"Because publisher's only deal with well known wizards. And I am not the sort of well known wizard they are looking to publish their next best seller."

"I wish people would just let it go," she replied angrily. "It's been ten years. They can see you mean no one any harm and yet they still harass and degrade you."

"You should think about such things before getting too involved with me," he said quietly. He released her hand and stood to face the fire, his back to her. " I am disliked by many. I may harbor…feelings for you, but I am still moody at times and I still go through bouts of depression. I'm also unaccustomed to sharing space and time with others."

She stood, grasping his hand in hers once again. "You wouldn't be human if you recovered unscathed. I think anyone who survived the war goes through depression."

She squeezed his hand. "I _have _thought about things, Severus. All week. And I came to the same conclusion I had at the beginning." She moved in front of him to gaze up into his face. "I've always respected you. You intrigue me and inspire me…I…I'm attracted to you." She gazed down at her feet, and took a deep breath before looking into his eyes again. "And I very much want to discover what a relationship with you would be like."

One hand buried in her hair as he drew her close to him. His head bent to meet her mouth as hers moved up to seek his. This kiss was different than any other. It was full of so much need and desire. Their hands became unclasped as he pulled her toward him and she reached up to wrap her arms around his head and neck.

His knees felt weak, and if he did not sit he feared they would both tumble to the floor. He stepped back, taking her with him as he sat roughly into one of the armchairs that also faced the fireplace. She fell into his lap, her legs moving to either side of his hips to avoid crushing him and making it more comfortable for her.

She gasped at the feeling of something firm and warm pressed against her core. Instinctively she rubbed herself against him.

Severus pulled back; snapping out of the hazy, intense world they had both stumbled into.

"Not like this…. not here…" he whispered raggedly.

"No… you're right…"

She rested her forehead against his, and he waited until their breathing settled before suggesting they sit on the couch.

The air felt a little awkward after their quick and heated tumble into the chair.

Hermione knew he was right to stop things before they got out of hand.

They sat side by side on the couch and talked for the next few hours. They spoke of Hermione's current job as a secretary for a small wizarding bookstore, to their favorite books and other publications. Before long the clock on the fireplace mantle read a quarter 'til midnight.

"It's almost a New Year," Hermione commented.

"Indeed." His hand was in her hair again and once again they met for a kiss.

Severus intended it to be quick and even chaste, but there was too much fire between them. She was no longer the little annoying hand waving child from before the war. She was an adult witch, whom he was very much attracted to. He had fought this attraction two years ago, but was glad to have lost himself to it.

She pressed a kiss against his jaw, and he could not contain the soft moan that escaped his lips. She sought to torture him, but not by any way he had ever been tortured before.

Severus began to place kisses down her throat, causing her to grip his arm tightly and moan softly.

As he reached her collarbone, she let her head fall back, arching into him. One hand found its way into his hair, clutching the shoulder length locks in her fingers.

Without warning, the door to the library opened, as two young men in the midst of conversation while searching for their friend, saw her arched back in ecstasy. The man pleasuring her was not recognizable to them just yet. His face was lowered down into her blouse, his back to them. He was a silhouette to the dying fire.

The man and woman froze. They had both heard the door open, and it been too late to stop what they were doing.

The man raised his head and turned slowly to see two very shocked faces staring back at him.

TBC…

Authors: Notes: Thank you everyone for the kind words about chapter one. I apologize about some of the mistakes, especially with commas. I do not have a beta and with how erratic my writing time is I have not been using one.

This story was started before Christmas. I wanted to finish it by New Years, which was an unrealistic goal for a manager in retail. I hope to reach my goal by finishing this story soon. This story will only be a few chapters in length.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm sorry for the delay with the next chapter. I've been pretty busy this last week. Thank you everyone for your reviews.

"I'm telling you, Harry, she wanted to be left alone." Ron Weasley tried to tell his friend as they headed closer to the library.

"She probably started reading and lost all track of time. I'm sure she wouldn't want to miss ringing in the New Year with the rest of us. Right?"

Ron sighed.

Harry opened the door and he and Ron stopped dead in their tracks. Hermione was definitely not reading.

Hermione felt her heart drop into her stomach and every muscle in her body tightened when she heard the door to the library open. Pulling away from Severus, she was horrified to see Harry and Ron standing in the doorway. She knew that if things worked out between her and Severus, that everyone would eventually know of their relationship. She had not meant for anyone to find out like this.

She felt Severus' hand bump against hers as he tried blindly to cover it with his. When he found it, he squeezed her hand gently for support.

"I guess you weren't reading," Harry said quietly, his face bright red from embarrassment. He looked directly at Severus, who remained cool and calm as usual. Did nothing phase the man?

"No, I wasn't," Hermione answered softly and Severus gave her hand another gentle squeeze. She could feel heat on her face and she knew she had to be as red as Ron's hair.

"We thought you had left, Severus, although Ginny found it odd that you would have gone before midnight," Harry mumbled nervously.

"Indeed. Why would I have wasted my chance to attend one party that would fulfill _two_ years obligations," Severus replied smoothly.

" Nice try! The agreement is two a year and now I know why you've been to _three_ parties this year." He glanced between the odd couple sitting on his library couch. He pushed his glasses further up his nose. "Forgive me, this is still a bit of a shock."

Ron who had been silent, finally could not take it any longer. "A bit, Harry? A bit? Bloody hell! How can you stand here and carry on a normal conversation after walking in on them snogging?! Of all the blokes she could have, she's chosen, Snape!"

Hermione felt Severus grow tense with anger.

"Ron, you have no right to parade your ill thoughts on my choices. They have nothing to do with you."

"Quite right!" Severus exploded. "Do you realize you have a wife, Weasley? Or have you forgotten that fact since you are too busy chasing other women?"

"Piss off, Snape!"

'Hey!" Hermione called out. "That is quite enough. Severus is right, Ron—"

"Severus is right, Ron," he mimicked. "Since when do you call him Severus?!"

"Since she accepted my embrace, Weasley," Severus replied smugly.

Hermione squeezed Severus' hand. "Please don't encourage him."

Severus frowned but ceased his baiting of Ronald Weasley.

"Look, I don't expect everyone to respect every choice I make, but this choice in non-negotiable."

"We'll respect you, Hermione," Harry told her immediately. "This sort of makes sense."

"How can it possibly make sense, Harry? He's old enough to be her father and he's a nasty wanker to boot. Does anyone care to remember our years at Hogwarts?"

Hermione heard Severus clench his teeth tightly together in an effort to restrain himself.

"We all remember that Severus had a role to play that saved our lives and nearly ended his," Harry said, seething. Severus' loyalty was something he did not allow anyone to challenge. Ever since he had seen Severus' memories he had fought to make everyone aware of the sacrifices and good things Severus Snape had done.

Harry glanced up at the clock on the mantle. "There are only a few minutes left until midnight. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'd like to start the New Year off on the right foot."

"That sounds good, Harry," Hermione agreed, getting to her feet. Severus rose with her.

Ron could not stand to look at them, and left the room stomping down the hallway like a child.

"I'm sorry about Ron. You had to know he wouldn't take something like this easily. We all know he still has feelings for you, Hermione."

"Don't apologize for his appalling behavior, Harry. He will have to get used to things."

"Oh?" Harry's eyebrows rose above his eyes as he looked between Hermione and Severus.

Hermione blushed bright red.

"We should go, or we will miss the ringing of the New Year," Severus offered. The fact that Harry Potter was taking this so calmly alarmed him and he did not wish for that to change.

The clock in the library was slightly faster than the actual time and when Harry, Severus and Hermione arrived in the living room there were still several minutes left before midnight.

Most of the crowd had left and mainly family and friends remained. Harry wandered over to his wife who was talking with Fleur. Ron was sitting next to Melody with a sour look on his face.

"Severus!"

Severus looked up to see Minerva McGonagall and her husband Albert. He walked toward them, not wanting to leave Hermione, but also wishing that no one would notice they had been standing close together. Soon he was pulled into conversation with the McGonagalls, although his mind and heart were not truly in it.

Hermione had moved to stand on the other side of the room. Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley appeared to have kept their discovery in the library a secret because no one paid Severus or Hermione anymore attention than usual. That was a relief to him. What he and Hermione shared was still so new and fragile. He wanted nothing to shatter it.

With only a minute until midnight, Severus excused himself a little rudely from his conversation with the McGonagall's and made his way to Hermione. She was in the shadows now, but he could see her smile light his way as he approached.

His heart hammered in his chest.

"Miss Granger." He offered so that those around him would think nothing was out of the ordinary. No one was paying attention anyway. Except Minerva who was curious as to why he would just walk away as he had.

"Mr. Snape," Hermione whispered.

They ignored the loud cheering as the New Year arrived around them. They had eyes only for each other.

Throwing caution to the wind, Severus leaned forward and kissed her. He felt her hands move up his shoulders to tangle in his hair.

It was a gentle kiss, with a promise of more and it was with regret that he pulled away.

"Happy New Year, Hermione."

"Indeed. It promises to be an interesting one."

He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "May I bring you to dinner on Friday evening?"

She shook her head and he swallowed hard. Was she rejecting him? Had Weasley's disapproval made her realize everyone would feel the way he did? He felt anger and fear take over.

"You may bring me on Saturday instead. I have to work on Friday night."

He breathed a sigh of relief, his muscles heavy with the weight of his fear.

"Saturday then."

Reaching into his pocket with a trembling hand he pulled out a small piece of paper, which he offered for her to take.

"Arrive at seven sharp. I will have reservations."

And with a turn, he was gone, leaving her to watch him leave the house and take a part of her heart with him. Looking down at the paper, she read "The Alley Cat Diner, Dress in casual Muggle attire" in his spiky script.

Hermione folded the paper and held it close to her chest. She felt giddy and excited if not a little scared.

She had not been on a date in three long years. What if things went horribly wrong? What would she wear?

She giggled to herself at the thought of her worrying over her attire and looked around to make sure no one was noticing her odd behavior.

Unknown to her only Ronald Weasley had seen.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione was nearly afraid to look at any of the Wizarding newspapers on New Years Day. She feared a front page article drawing its readers in with a climatic _**"Former student and heroine romantically connected to bitter former Hogwarts Professor since her school days! For all the scandalous details see page two!"**_

But there wasn't even a word about her or Severus in any of the papers when she checked them. Nor were there any on the following day or the day after that.

She felt she could trust Harry not to go spreading things around, even though she had not asked him to keep it a secret, but Ron was a whole other story. Apparently, he had better things to do for once than annoy her.

Wednesday found Hermione sitting rather uncomfortably on the hardwood floor in front of her coffee table with books and papers spread out around her. What else was there to do on her day off after the laundry and dusting had been done, but a little research?

She often started to research and always seemed to lose interest. Today was different. She was suddenly inspired again and she found that very refreshing.

Mid afternoon she startled when her doorbell rang. She never received visitors to her tiny apartment. Who could possibly need to see her?

Her eyes widened as the crazy idea that it could be Severus struck her. Rushing around like a mad woman, she shoved papers into books and stashed the books under the coffee table.

Moving by the decorative mirror on the wall, she realized she was a wreck. Her hair was wild, and she wasn't wearing her best clothing. She hurriedly threw on a new shirt and put her hair back into a ponytail.

She ran to the door as the doorbell sounded again and threw it open to find…Harry.

Her disappointment nearly drown her. It was Harry Potter standing outside her door. What could have possibly made her think it might Severus? He probably had no idea where she lived. She certainly did not know where he lived.

"Hi Harry," she forced a smile.

"You sound out of breath."

"I was just…eh..cleaning."

He peered into the apartment nervously. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." She stepped aside and he entered, looking around as if expecting to find someone there.

Harry noticed the books beneath the coffee table. "Hermione, were you researching?"

She nodded.

"Hermione that is wonderful!"

"Well, we'll see. I'm just going through a little of this and that."

"It's a start."

"Yeah." They stood awkwardly before Hermione offered him some tea.

"No, thanks. I just came by to talk a little bit and then I need to head home."

Talk. Hermione did not like the sound of that.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You disapprove now."

"Disapprove? Oh, you and Severus? I don't disapprove. But I do want you to be careful."

"Merlin, Harry. You sound like my father."

" Just a concerned friend."

"There's nothing to be---"

"Yes, there is. I'll admit to still feeling shocked at finding you and Severus lip locked on my library couch."

Hermione flushed.

"I haven't seen either of you interested in a member of the opposite sex in years. It's been at least three for you and a lot more for Severus."

"What are you trying to say, Harry?"

"Severus hasn't loved anyone since my mum. In fact, I didn't expect to ever see him with another woman. His love for her is so deep."

"Harry I don't expect him to stop loving her just because he feels something for me. He told me he's let her go and I believe him."

"Let her go in which way?"

"We didn't discuss it fully. The first night he… showed me his feelings I thought about your mum and how could he possibly like me if he had feelings for her. He immediately told me he had let her go. I don't know why, but I believe him."

Hermione paced a few steps away and then turned to look at Harry. "He seems to understand me so fully, Harry. Sometimes I don't even have to say a word and he knows what I'm thinking, without Legilimency."

"You two are a lot alike. It's only natural he would understand things."

"Harry, have you any idea how wonderful and frightening that is to me? To know that someone understands? I never…" Tears clouded her eyes. "I thought I would spend the rest of my days alone and I may still…but…" A few tears streamed down her cheek. "I feel so much hope when I am with him and I can see he feels the same way around me."

She laughed. "It sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

"A little. It took you weeks to let Jared kiss you and you've given the cold shoulder to every male interested in you since he hurt you. What makes Severus different?"

"It could be because he understands and I think part of it is because I already know him and he knows me. I mean we don't know all the details, but I'm sure we will work on that. I do know that he is extremely loyal and I don't believe he would ever intentionally hurt me."

"If you don't mind my asking…how long have you two been seeing each other?"

She wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of her shirt. "I wouldn't say we are seeing each other. At least not yet. He told me how he felt at the Christmas party."

"Hermione, that was only a little over a week ago!"

"I know, Harry."

"Merlin's beard. You really like him, don't you?"

"Yes, I do."

"I want you both to be happy, Hermione. Severus has been through a lot and so have you. I would hate to see anything happen rashly that hurts you both."

Hermione stepped forward and hugged Harry tightly. "You're a good friend, Harry. I promise I will be careful. For myself and for Severus."

He returned the hug and then stepped back. "Good. Now, I brought some other interesting news that might make you happy. Ron and Melody are expecting."

Her eyes widened. "They are?"

"Yeah, Molly floo'd this morning unable to contain the news. They found out yesterday. Now Ron will leave you and Severus alone."

"Oh, Harry, but what about Melody and the baby?"

Harry frowned. "What do you mean, Hermione?"

"Does he love her? Really love her? Is he honestly committed to taking care of Melody and a baby?"

"I believe he is. He seemed genuinely happy. He's always wanted children and to be a father."

"I'm just concerned, or maybe paranoid. I know how Ron's felt about me these years while he has been with Melody. I just don't want to see Melody hurt."

Harry reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. "You are a good friend, too. For worrying about them, despite what Ron said and how he acted the other night."

"He was a complete prat, but I don't want anything bad to happen to him or Melody or the baby."

"That's what makes you a good friend." He kissed her cheek. "I didn't mean to stay so long or to interrupt your research. Keep in touch and let me know how things go with Severus."

She felt horrified when heat crept onto her cheeks again. "I will."

Time seemed to drag because Hermione wanted Friday to arrive, and when it did arrive she was a nervous wreck. She could not decide on which casual look was best and ended up forcing herself to be simple. Dark brown slacks and a tan sweater her mother had given her years ago. It was silly, but when she wore the sweater, things seemed to feel better.

She Apparated to the Alley Cat Diner, not knowing what to expect, but certainly not expecting the quaint little diner in a quiet northern England town. She could smell salt which meant the ocean was not too far by.

She looked around for Severus, knowing she was a little early and was startled to see her father's old friend Gregory Marion exiting the men's bathroom.

"Hermione Granger?"

"It is you, Mr. Marion." She beamed and accepted the hug he offered her.

Severus who was also exiting the men's bathroom after Apparating directly into it, felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw Hermione hugging another man. He had never seen Hermione affectionate with anyone, barely even the Potters or Weasleys' these days and to see such a sight stunned him.

He watched Hermione and the man talking animatedly. He gestured toward a table and Severus' eyes followed. He felt like a complete fool for once again jumping to conclusions. A pretty brunette with two young children waved to Hermione who called out her hello to Mrs. Marion and the children.

He needed to let go of his insecurities. He knew that Hermione was very loyal and too honest sometimes to those she cared for. It was a habit he shared with her.

Hermione spoke to the man and his family for a few moments, before watching them gather their coats and say their good-byes.

Her eyes fell upon him and they lit up as they had at the New Year's Eve party. She also blushed.

"Friends' of yours?" Severus asked, slightly bitter.

"Friends of my father actually. Mr. Marion was a patient of my father's. While talking at each yearly visit they learned they had much in common and became friends. His wife went to school with my mother. I haven't seen them in years!"

Severus glanced around nervously. "I hope this diner suits our needs for the evening." He had been a little skeptical about bringing her here. It wasn't the classiest place in town, nor was it dingy. He had enjoyed coming here on his own for years and felt it was time to share the place.

"It's lovely, Severus. Very quiet and quaint. I don't think I could have dealt with a crowded restaurant where I would have had to dress up."

He grinned and pulled out a chair at a nearby empty table. She sat and he moved around the table to sit across from her.

They fell into an easy conversation while they ordered, waited for their food and then ate. Hermione spoke about her job at the bookstore after talking about Severus' latest experiments.

"How did you come to work there? You have so much potential."

She shrugged. "I didn't think so."

He made a noise of protest, and she gave him an honest answer.

"After two bad break-ups my self esteem was pretty low. Not only with my love life, but my career. I had thought about doing research in either Potions or Arithmancy, but I…didn't have the confidence I once did."

"While I regret that you were hurt over things not working out with Weasley or the young man from college, I am glad they did not work out." His hand slid over hers. "Otherwise I would never have had a chance."

She blushed and smiled. "I still think about you following me out onto the porch and that you were brave enough to show me how you felt." She squeezed his hand. "I needed that so badly, Severus. To know that someone cared for me when I thought no one did." She took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I had resigned myself to believe that I would spend the rest of my days alone."

His fingers intertwined with hers. He had resigned himself to the same fate.

"I never expected to feel anything for anyone again," she whispered.

Severus swore his heart had stopped beating for a few seconds after hearing her speak.

"I'm not naïve enough to think us in love." Severus enjoyed watching her turn a lovely shade of pink. "But I feel something…"

"Would it be out of character for me to whoop with joy?"

She giggled, an image of him dancing and whooping reducing her to near tears. "I do think that would be very un-Snape like."

He grinned. "We cannot have that."

"Definitely not."

When they were finished with their meal, neither of them were ready to leave their company. Although it was dark, they decided to walk on the sidewalk along the ocean. It was chilly, but this time they were both wearing thick coats and warming charms.

Hermione noticed that Severus gazed to the north every once and a while, and wondered what it was he was looking at, but he did not seem to wish to discuss it.

They walked and re-walked the same sidewalk, but finally it had grown very late.

"I hate to leave, Severus, but I have to work in the morning."

"I never meant to keep you out this late," he offered regretfully.

"I wanted to stay." She stood on her tiptoes and boldly kissed the end of his large nose. "When can I see you again? Promise me it will be soon."

"How soon do you wish to see me? I have no schedule. We will work around you."

She pursed her lips. "Well, that is not very fair."

"It will have to do, because if we do not work around some schedule I will never let you go."

Hermione felt her heart skip a beat, and then it began to pound hard and fast.

They met halfway, kissing hard and hungrily. He pulled her close to him, afraid that releasing his strong grip would cause her to disappear like a ghost and make everything seem like a dream.

She nipped at his mouth and then pressed hard, his lips opening in invitation. Her tongue slide past his teeth, tasting the essence of him. She felt herself shaking and trembling, her legs turning to gelatin.

He nipped back at her, imitating her motions perfectly.

Breathlessly, they both pulled back, chests heaving.

"I would ask for tomorrow-" he whispered.

"I would ask where so I could be there."

"The Diner again…"

"Seven?" she asked, their eyes locked.

"Six or even five if you can make it."

"I work till five…so six."

"Do not be late."

He kissed her hard once again, and before she could respond, the warmth and feel of him was gone, leaving her alone in the windy salt filled air.

AN: Yes, I know, horrible little spot to leave it, but more will come. I actually wrote this chapter much faster than I expected. In fact, I very much enjoyed writing it. I love when my muse speaks to me. :)

Thank you again for all the fantastic reviews and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Growing Closer

Hermione met Severus at six in the evening the next day at the diner. Then again two days later. It became a ritual. Two or three times a week they met at the diner for food and conversation. Afterwards they would walk along the water. If the weather was too harsh, they stayed in the diner until it closed.

This trend happened for several weeks, until one night Hermione noticed that Severus appeared nervous. They were walking along the water and once again he kept gazing to the north.

"Severus, are you okay?"

He looked at her and chuckled softly. "Everything is fine… It's just…Hermione, I desire to share something with you, but I do not want you to think I am attempting to take advantage of you."

"Severus I haven't felt as if you were taking advantage of me once in all the time we have spent together."

He reached for her hand, blindly running one finger along the creases in her palm.

"I wish to show you my lab and my home."

"Then show me."

They Apparated before a small cottage with white board and a decent flower garden. It was not far from the ocean. She could see the white caps on the waves in the distance. To the south she could see the town and where she and Severus usually walked.

Hermione frowned.

"Are you disappointed?"

"No, just confused. I thought you lived at Spinner's End?"

"I have not lived there in years. I sold it to developers.and hopefully it is ancient history."

"This is why you kept looking to the north. You were thinking about your house."

He nodded. "Yes, and how to bring you here without you thinking I would take advantage of you."

"I would never think that." She gazed around. "It's beautiful."

He showed her the downstairs of the cottage, which held a small den with wall to wall books, the kitchen and dining room. Out the back of the kitchen was an attached greenhouse full of plants and herbs used in potions or cooking.

His lab was in the basement and was small, but well organized. He showed her a few of his projects before they moved on.

They ended up sitting in opposite chairs in the den. Both a little nervous about sitting together. They spoke for several hours and Hermione regrettably excused herself to head home. She hated leaving because of an early morning of work the next day.

Instead of going to the diner, going to Severus' little cottage became the new routine. Eventually they moved past the nervousness of knowing they were completely alone in the cottage. And all too soon every night they ended up on the couch together, starting things they knew they could not finish.

"Harry's having a party for little Albus next Saturday," Hermione mentioned one evening.

Severus winced at the boy's name. The boy who shared Dumbledore's name and his name.

"It still hurts you to think about him…"

He blinked unsure of whom she was referring to as he had been lost in his thoughts.

"Professor Dumbledore."

"He was a meddling old man who played with the lives around him as if they were pawns on his chessboard." Anger bubbled from within him. Anger he had not felt in years.

"He played with Potter's life and my own," he continued, " knowing in the end we were to be fed to the wolves. It took me three years to move into this cottage. I could not bear his charity." He got to his feet, pacing like a caged animal.

"Professor Dumbledore left this place to you?"

"How else do you think I acquired it? My good looks?"

"Stop that," she said firmly.

He heaved a sigh. "Forgive me, Hermione, but the very mention of the man makes my blood boil. He knew Voldemort was using Nagini more often, and yet he bid me to go and finish my duty. He sent me to my death."

"There was a backup plan for Harry. Are you sure there wasn't one for you?"

"He left me no escape."

"There was nothing he slipped you?"

"Slipped me? Hermione, how could he have if he was de—Merlin… the tea."

"Tea?" she asked in confusion.

"I was pacing in the Headmaster's office and he demanded that if I would not cease my pacing that I would accept a cup of tea from Winky. The tea tasted strange, but I was too distraught to think much about it."

"He must have had Winky put some sort of anti-venom in your tea."

Severus sat heavily on the couch beside Hermione. He leaned over and ran his hands through his dark hair. "I have been such a fool. I could never understand why he left me this cottage. Especially when he had sent me to my death."

Hermione smoothed back his hair and kissed his cheek. "I won't disagree that he messed around with a lot of lives. At least you know he did try to save yours."

"I shall have to visit the castle this summer to apologize. What a fool I have been."

"No…You're not a fool. You were angry and upset, and rightly so."

He sat up with a sigh and reached for her hand, squeezing it in his.

"You mentioned something about a party for Potter's son."

"Oh, yeah. Harry wanted me to invite you personally to little Albus' birthday party. I think it would be great to go together."

He shook his head. "I do not think it would be wise."

She frowned, not expecting the hurt that came with his dimissal of the idea. "Why not?"

"Weasley will be there and I don't wish to bait him. All we need is for him to go to one of the papers or someone who would go to the papers for him."

"You can't be serious. Who cares about Ron or the papers?"

"I do not care about him, but I care what he will say about us." He clutched her shoulders. "Hermione, I awaken everyday and wonder if I've stumbled into a wonderful dream. I am afraid to discover none of this is real. I wish for you to get to know me well and form your own opinions of me before the papers get involved. I will not risk Weasley ruining this."

"You have changed."

His brows furrowed.

"The Severus Snape I remember would have loved to gloat that he had the girl or whatever else someone wanted."

"And in most cases I will still do that, you've been warned. However, this means too much to me. I've played with enough fire in my life. I no longer wish to get burned."

She felt her skin flush. She tried to focus on thoughts and words instead of the fluttering in her stomach, and the warmth spreading through her body.

"No, you're right. I mean even though I've made it plain to Ron that there never will be anything between him and I, I'm nervous about being around him with you. I will always form my own opinions and not listen to others, so, please do not worry about such things. I do worry Ron will do something stupid that affects his wife or family. I'd hoped he would let things go with him and Melody expecting, but—"

"Melody is with child?"

Hermione's eyes widened wide, causing her to look like an owl. "You didn't know? Oh, gosh, that's right I never told you. I always try to keep Ron out of our conversations. Melody is two months along with his child."

"I pity the poor woman. It is obvious she loves him and he loves her in some form, but not as he should. Hermione, I do not wish to see that child end up like me."

"What do you mean?"

"I was a mistake. The reason my parents ever married. All they ever did was fight and remind my that their miserable life together was because of my existence."

Her mouth jaw dropped open in shock as a gasp slipped from her mouth. "Please tell me they did not say that to you!"

"Not in so many words."

"Oh, Severus. You are certainly no mistake." She squeezed his arm for reassurance.

"How can I not be? My parents fought constantly, my friendship with a young woman resulted in her death and the death of her husband…"

"Stop it. You made mistakes. We all make mistakes!"

The tears welling in his dark eyes nearly caused her to begin sobbing.

She reached for him and pulled him to her. He curled up against her, like a wounded, frightened child. She ran her hand up and down his back and used her other hand to stroke his hair.

Her heart felt as if it were breaking, but not in the way she feared it would. How could anyone be so cruel to his or her child?

"I'm so glad you found me, Severus. I cannot think of any person I would rather be with at this moment than you."

That seemed to cause the dam to break. He buried his face into her shoulder and his body shook as he sobbed silently. He clutched at her, pulling her as close to him as he could.

She let him, even when he unintentionally hurt her with his roughness. She held him until his sobs subsided and sleep overtook his exhausted body.

AN: Sorry about the delay. Hate it when work keeps me from writing. Yes, some angst and a rather short chapter. Most of chapter 6 is already written. Just need to finish it up and polish a few things. It's a longer chapter.

I've started a LJ for my fanfiction as I know most likely chapter 7 will not be appropriate for fanfiction dot net. Feel free to check out more mature chapters at cormakfanfic Dot livejournal dot com.

Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

Severus felt something firm and warm beneath him and a scent he recognized filled his nostrils.

Hermione… 

Everything came rushing back to him. He jerked upright, horrified at the sight of a small dark stain of drool on Hermione's shirt.

"Good morning." She smiled, but Severus could see she was unsure of the situation.

He swallowed. "Morning."

She smiled again, this one reaching her eyes. They seemed to light up at the very sight of him.

He felt his tension drain, but not completely. He had fallen asleep on top of her after crying like a child. What she must think of him…

He felt her fingers brushing back his hair and he could not help but close his eyes at the pleasurable sensation. But the pleasure faded as he thought of how the evening before had ended.

"Hermione…I—"

"I don't think any less of you," she blurted.

He opened his eyes. The way she was sometimes able to read his thoughts and emotions still startled him.

"In fact if anything I feel closer to you. You let me see that side of you."

He snorted. "The side that drools on you while I sleep?"

She grinned. "Even that side." She shrugged. "At least I know what I'm in for."

He let out a shuddering breath at the thought of them together in the future. His unrealistic fairy tale of the last few weeks was invaded by reality.

He pulled away from her, rose to his feet and began to pace.

She frowned at his change in behavior.

"I'm selfish, Hermione. And often bitter. I'm obsessive and…"

"It's okay."

He looked at her in confusion.

Hermione had been expecting him to pull away from her.

She got to her feet and stepped toward him. "It's okay to be afraid and unsure. Hell, I have been. That's part of learning about someone, of getting closer. You share things or do things and wonder what the other person might think of you. "

"I do not want you to regret anything with me. I want you to make sure that spending time with me is what you want and not…"

He closed his eyes and she could feel pain radiating from him.

"And not what? Obsession? Out of loneliness?"

He nodded.

"Give me some credit, Severus. Give yourself some."

He clasped her arms and looked deep into her eyes. "Just promise me you will think things through. _Everything_. "

She leaned forward and kissed him chastely on the mouth. He had thought things through for three years, but obviously had not counted on his insecurities rising to the surface. "I promise. Now what do you have in your cabinets that we can use to make breakfast?"

-------

Hermione did as Severus promised and made sure she thought everything through on her own time. Their relationship suffered because of Severus' fears, but she let him have his way. They both needed time to digest how they felt and what they wanted.

The weeks passed and some of the tension was finally released when Severus invited Hermione to brew with him. The brewing and research caused them to talk openly again and to discuss topics with their normal vigor and not quiet subdued tones.

One evening Hermione did not arrive as she was supposed to. Severus immediately assumed that she had changed her mind about spending time with him.

The arrival of her Patronus, swirling around him, showed him he was being incredibly foolish. Hermione had not come because she had been summoned by Ginny and Harry. Melody had miscarried Ronald Weasley's child and it had the entire family upset. There was more as well but she promised to see him later that night if he was interested in waiting up.

He waited impatiently. Pacing the small length of his den so many times over that he had lost count.

She arrived, distraught. He immediately took her into his arms. She didn't cry, but held onto him tightly.

They sat and talked afterward. She told him that the Potters believed Melody and Ron would divorce. They had been fighting frequently since she had become pregnant. It was possible the stress Melody had been under for weeks caused the miscarrige. Ron seemed unstable and Harry had promised that it did not have to do with Hermione and Severus. Hermione did not tell Severus she thought otherwise.

Melody would be okay physically and Severus commented that someone had been looking over her. She had been freed from Ronald Weasley and a loveless marriage.

Severus cooked Hermione a late dinner, and they researched for a while to keep her mind from Melody and Ron. The research helped to keep Severus' mind on other things as well. He could not help but feel that this could ruin everything. If Melody and Ronald divorced Ronald might focus all his attention on Hermione.

The research somehow led to the couch with Severus and Hermione kissing and touching. It ended with them breaking away before they went too far.

It once again became a trend where their evenings together left them both aroused and incomplete.

---------

Time passed as it tended to, and Severus watched Hermione become quiet. Something was definitely bothering her.

They were sitting on the couch one evening. Hermione stared off into the flames reaching up the fireplace.

Severus' hand covered hers in an effort to break the disturbing tension. She immediately removed her hand. Severus felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Hermione ignored his hurt expression and forced herself to say what was on her mind. "Do you still…love her?"

He did not have to ask who.

"I will always love Lily." The look of hurt that appeared on Hermione's face for the briefest moment caused the muscles in his chest to tighten.

"She was the first woman I ever loved, Hermione. The first woman that offered me friendship, companionship despite my upbringing and appearance."

Hermione still would not look at him. He could see tears in her eyes.

"Hermione…"

"Am I a replacement for what you couldn't have with her?" she asked softly. Her voice cracked as the words fell. She hated herself for asking such a question, but she had to know. She had been worrying for days. Melody had obviously been a replacement for herself when Ron could not have her.

"How dare you!" Severus cried out and Hermione pulled away, fearing his anger.

"How dare you believe I would ever think so lowly of you!"

She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears.

"This is how things are supposed to be. Lily was supposed to marry Potter, and I was supposed to protect her son. Just as I was meant to notice you all those years later and fall in love with you."

Hermione's lips parted in surprise and her heart began to beat hard and fast. "You love me?"

Severus looked at her. "Do you think I could share this much of myself, and want to share more with someone I did not love or trust?"

Her reaction was instant. She threw herself at him, her arms around him, her face buried into his neck and hair. He pulled her more tightly against him, the fear fading to relief.

Hermione knew he felt something for her, but had not realized his feelings went so deep. She felt stupid and childish.

"I'm so sorry I doubted anything…"

He tilted his head and she moved back so they could look at each other.

"I understand…and I echo your feelings."

"What do you mean?"

"I am not proud to admit this…but I am jealous of Weasley."

"Severus, you know I don't feel that way about him."

"I know… but that does not stop me from feeling insecure. From thinking Weasley wants me to believe I have competition. Especially with his impending divorce."

"You certainly have NO competition, Severus. I have eyes only for you, regardless of how Ron acts or thinks."

He brushed her hair back from her shoulders. "I see that now…especially in light of this discussion." He pushed some of her hair behind one ear. "You have been jealous too."

She parted her lips to speak and he put one finger against them to silence her.

"I understand why, but you have nothing to fear. You are not a replacement and you never will be. We have both been foolish."

"Yes. But now we know the truth," she replied.

He nodded. "Where do we go from here, Hermione?"

She looked down, fidgeting with her hands. "I think we should go upstairs."

He swallowed hard. Had he just heard her correctly? The blush on her face confirmed that he had.

He had never taken her upstairs. There had been no reason to. The only room there was his bedroom.

"Hermione…" Was he understanding her correctly? It was hard to tell because the blood was pounding in his ears and he could not seem to breath properly.

She forced herself to look at him, even though she knew she was flushed with fear and embarrassement. "Every time we are together we end the night tangled and aroused. We always part uncompleted. But not tonight."

"Hermione, I do not wish for you to regret-"

She silenced him with a finger to his lips. "I never slept with Ron or Jared for the same reason. It's silly and childish, but I could only give that part of myself to someone I loved…"

Severus inhaled sharply.

"Which is why I'm offering myself to you alone. Because I love you, Severus Snape."

A trembling hand reached out to touch her face.

"I promised that I would think things through. Everything; and I have. I don't care what other people have to say. I only care about what you say and think. I don't care that Ron still has feelings for me, because it doesn't matter. I don't love him. I love you."

He kissed her hard on the mouth, but did not allow her to respond. He broke away, disentangled himself and got to his feet. Looking down at her he offered his hand, doing his best to keep it from shaking.

"Would you accompany me upstairs, Hermione Granger?"

-----------------------

I know awful way to end the chapter! Chapter 7 will be edited for fanfiction dot net, but will be available unedited in my live journal. When it is ready it will be found at cormakfanfic dot livejournal dot com. (Replace dot with . ) I have a lot written, just need to finish it up. Both the edited and unedited versions of chapter 7 will be posted at the same time.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing.


	7. Chapter 7

She smiled, blushing fiercely and took his hand. He pulled her to her feet and entwined his fingers with hers.

He brought their hands to his mouth, where he placed a kiss on the back of hers before he tugged gently. She followed him up the narrow stairs of the cottage toward his bedroom.

Severus was shaking the entire way. What if he did not please her? What if she found him unattractive?

Forcing himself to silence his fear and doubt, he could feel the very same things radiating from her.

_This is natural_ he told himself. Even if they were both a little old to be untouched.

This was the only innocence he had carried with him through the years, and offering it to her was the right choice. He had no regrets knowing she would be his first and his hope that she would be his only.

He hoped that she would never regret him being her first.

They entered his room. It was dark except for the light of a nearly full moon leaving bright spots on the hardwood floor.

She nervously moved to kiss him and they collided, his chin connecting with her forehead.

He chuckled softly, attempting to lighten the mood, before lowering his head to seek her mouth.

They found each other this time and the dull throbbing in his chin and on her forehead was forgotten.

He began with chaste, teasing kisses. Nipping her mouth as she often did to him. He felt her open beneath him, bidding him entrance, but he did not seek it. He wanted this to last, as long as it could.

Her hands moved over him, her fingers trying to undo the buttons of his sweater.

He smiled against her lips. "Always in such a rush to know everything."

"I want you," she blurted.

"Do you deny that I want you just as much?" To prove his point he flexed his hips against her, where she felt his erection; hard and real.

He nudged her toward the bed. "Let us savor every moment of this."

She sat on the edge of the bed, seeing his pants tented and knowing that she would finally see what she often felt pressed against her. Knowing tonight he would finally be buried within her.

She let out a shaky breath as that familiar heat and ache pooled between her legs.

But then something rational blocked the feelings.

"Severus…I'm not taking any contraceptives." She felt like a heel for ruining the mood.

He knelt before her and smiled gently. "That's all right."

"It's not all right. I could get pregnant and as much I love you, I'm not ready for that."

"There are potions, but you have to take them several days for them to work."

She slumped forward, upset that neither of them had thought about this before coming up here.

"But I have something better than potions."

She raised her eyes to look into his in the dimness of the room.

"Have you heard of Muggle Vasectomy?"

"Yes." Gods had he gone to a doctor and had the procedure done to himself?

"I have created a spell that does the same thing. An invisible and removable barrier that blocks semen from leaving the body. As with the muggle procedure it is safe and absorbed back into the body. Unlike the muggle procedure, it can be removed or left as is."

"But don't vasectomy's have to be done well in advance to purge the male body of sperm coming out?"

"Yes, they do. I invented the spell about a year ago for a client…and when things escalated between us here, I used it on myself."

"You did?"

He nodded. "I do not know if it's 100% preventive as I have obviously never been with a woman to prove it and I had not completed it for my client. But I've tested my ejaculate several times. My sperm count has been zero for two months now."

She giggled. "Only you and I could sit here and talk about such things before having sex. "

He smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on her mouth. "Only us…"

He had been nervous about telling her of his research and spell, but this had gone much easier than he had anticipated.

He grinned, leaning forward to nuzzle her ear. "Every time I needed to test myself I thought of you."

She blushed and felt the warmth reappear between her legs. "You wicked man, wanking for the name of research." She squirmed on the mattress. The thought of him touching himself, thinking of her and possibly crying out her name as he came, had an incredible effect on her.

"Research be damned. I was entirely selfish with this project."

"Well, I'm glad you were…" she breathed.

They met for another kiss, this one much more passionate than their nipping. Hermione reached for one of Severus' hands and positioned it over her breast. He squeezed gently and she moaned into his mouth. He brought his other hand to her second breast and began to knead the flesh.

He carefully removed her shirt and then her bra and replaced his hands and this time his mouth onto her. One hand kneaded her left breast, while his mouth tasted her right breast. He rolled her nipple, licked and nipped. Then he started to suck the flesh. Lightly at first and then harder.

Hermione gasped and he paused thinking he may have hurt her.

"That feels really good," she gasped. She could feel the pleasure building in her breast and then finding its way between her legs.

He grinned, pleased with his work and gave the left breast the same treatment.

Meanwhile, one of her hands was tugging his sweater out of his trousers.

He released her breast, a soft pop filling the air as the nipple slipped from his mouth. "So impatient."

"I want to touch you…"

"I fear that is a bad idea. I don't know that Iwill last, Hermione. Another time you may explore me all you want."

She pouted and he laughed.

He too, was becoming impatient. He was sweating, his heart was racing and he felt harder than he ever had been before. He wanted to please her before he took his own pleasure.

He helped remove the rest of her clothes and brought one hand to her sex. He trailed his fingers along the inside of her thighs, delighting in the way her breathing became rapid and her eyes filled with desire.

He would make her his and no man would dare to touch her while he lived. And no woman would ever touch him.

His fingers explored the folds of her sex. They were slick with desire and he had no trouble slipping one finger into her, and then added a second. He pushed in until he reached her barrier, pulled out and then pushed in again, imitating what his erection would be doing very soon.

He leaned over and his mouth joined his hand. His fingers continued their thrusting and his mouth began to swirl around a tiny nub of flesh that had Hermione writhing beneath him.

Her moans encouraged him and he sucked and swirled his tongue. Her body arched off the bed toward him. He continued until with out warning she cried out and he felt her muscles clamping around his fingers. A groan filled the air and he realized it was his own. He needed her and needed her now.

"Hermione, I…now…"

She nodded and after a moment of collecting herself, she helped him pull his sweater off and then his trousers and underwear went down his lean hips. He kicked them off, then rolled to the side to remove his socks. He crawled over her and found her eyes watching his bobbing erection. He hoped he did not disappoint her.

He cleared his throat and she looked into his eyes and smiled. He certainly did not disappoint. He was a good size. Not too big and not too small.

"You're perfect," she told him as if she knew his fears. "Make me yours, Severus."

He leaned down and kissed her hard. He lowered himself and their hands met as she helped guide him to her. She helped position him and he moved his hips forward, the tip slipping within her. He pushed further, slow in his movements until he came to her barrier. He withdrew, though not all the way and slowly pushed in again.

He looked down into her eyes and she nodded to him.

He kissed her mouth and thrust hard at the same time, breaking through. She cried out into his mouth and he stilled allowing her to adjust to him.

"Are you all right?"

She nodded, the pain making it difficult for her to speak. She needed a moment to adjust to the intrusion.

She touched his hair, brushing back the damp strands and began to move against him. He followed her lead and she let him take over.

Before long he was thrusting fast and deep. Soft groans and grunts escaped him as he drove home.

Then he cried out her name thrusting deep within her. She felt his release fill her, felt a few small thrusts as he finished and then his body met hers as he rolled her with him onto their sides.

She could tell he was exhausted and she smiled placing a soft kiss on his chin and then his nose and finally his mouth. They were both sticky with sweat and she could feel him still within her.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"Is it all right that I…that we…" he glanced down where their bodies were still joined and she smiled, placing a light kiss on his mouth.

"I like how you feel within me. You make me feel whole."

He pulled her tightly to him, and he rested his head above hers.

"I will strive to make you feel whole everyday."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

A few moments later, Severus was sleeping. Hermione smiled against his chest where she had nestled her face. And then she, too fell into slumber.

AN: Many apologies for the delay in a new chapter. A HUGE delay. With all of my stories I really have to be in the mood to write because life has been keeping me super busy. . Many of my stories have additional chapters that I have not posted because I'm stuck on them. I will do my best when my muse visits to complete and add new chapters when I can.

Thanks for reading!


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